I'm so fucking aggravated right now. Like aggravated to the point of tears. It's pretty ridiculous actually. This is like PMS hormonal but that's another problem al-fucking-together. I wish I knew what was going on.

Don't call here, ask for someone to help you and then ask to talk to someone else just because you don't think I know what I'm talking about. I told you twice you could talk to me. Apparently the only people who know how to unclog a central vacuum system are the ones who fucking installed it. You are a stupid fuck who just doesn't want to listen to me because I sound young. If you'd shut the fuck up for a second and listen to the fucking words that are coming out of my mouth, you'd know that I'm trying to help. Fine, if you wanna wait til they're here monday afternoon, do that. I could give a fuck. There are so many men who call here and get all fucking high and mighty when a woman answers the phone. Sexist pieces of shit.

I dunno what my problem is. I haven't felt great for a while. Shit's not going as scheduled. Half of the time I can't be bothered to hang out with people but I dread being alone. I'm taking things too personally. I'm afraid it's gonna start pushing people away when all I really want is to stop acting like that and start understanding that not everything stems from the fact that sometimes I think I'm not good enough. Apparently I am good enough. That's been made obvious to me so many times but sometimes it's so hard to believe it. And I know it's frustrating for people around me. I shouldn't have to be reminded of how they feel about me but I swear to you I don't do it on purpose. I'd knock it off if I could.

If this little kid comes in here one more time to look at the parrot without asking I'm gonna fucking scream. He's lucky the doorbell isn't working like it usually does.

I really don't wanna work by myself tomorrow. If people are gonna be ridiculous and difficult, I really don't have the energy for it.

Yay birthdays! Well I guess until I hit 30 probably. Then I may start dreading them.

Some glorious things:
+ Fruit Rollups... A huge upside to Emma being here is the food we buy for her...
+ My fantastic friends making my birthday amazing.
+ Being at work alone (which I thought was gonna suck but then I remembered that when I'm bored, I can do things like this and not feel like someone's watching me)
+ Realizing Saturday is No Tax Day and knowing that we have some definite things happening here this weekend.
+ Large Twix iced coffees from Marylou's.
+ Making plans for the weekend since Mike doesn't have to work them anymore.
+ The possibility of a new dog (whether puppy or not so much).
+ A new sweatshirt that happens to be brown with pink lettering and is so damn cute.
+ Survivorman (who happens to be so much better than Man vs. Wild) and the Discovery Channel in general
+ Extra hours this week which = extra money which = a tattoo?
+ Labor Day weekend in a little over three weeks... another trip to the cabin. So exciting.

Alright... I suppose I've wasted enough time. I should probably get down to putting some Orecks together. Don't be jealous.

I swear to God I'm sitting here for a solid hour with hardly anything to do and then all of a sudden, two people walk in at the same time and the phone starts ringing off the hook... what the hell people? Sometimes I fear that my attitude is made far too obvious by my facial expressions and the tone of my voice... I should work on that.

I'm so excited to have the house to myself this week... It's gonna be a little lonely but maybe I can coerce Mike into coming over and keeping me company.

Speaking of which, 6 months yesterday. We had sushi. It was delicious. The plan didn't go exactly how we wanted but it was still good. However, we still need to scratch Transformers and Harry Potter off the list of things to do... um, see?

The Hanson show was Saturday. We were so spoiled by our location on the floor last time they came to the Avalon but that required us getting there at least 6 hours before the show... we're getting too old for that... and our priorities have changed a little. It was still good. I had a good enough view from the stairs that I could see Isaac's horrendous guitar faces and Taylor's scarf.

Lately I've been having this really strong desire to write in my legit journal but I'm always afraid doing so will jinx things... like if I truly express my excitement about something or actually find words to do my feelings justice, something will happen that will make everything change and I'll have to write one of those, "so yeah... about what I said last time I wrote in here..." entries. This is definitely something that I should probably just get over but it's tough. I think there's been a pattern that I can't really ignore.

It's kinda weird that mentioning this in here makes me feel like I'm taking away some of its importance, but Sugar was put down a week ago today... It's strange how more than one person has mentioned how hard it must've been to lose both Kidd and Sugar so close together but really, we lost Kidd almost two years ago. They were like a team though. Kidd and Sugar were like a moment in time... kinda like Fire and Shasta and Bear and Cherokee, even though that one was real short. Getting back to the point, she will most definitely be missed. She may have been a huge coward, literally, but she was the sweetest dog ever. Surprisingly, Brady has shown a definite change in attitude lately. He was always an attention whore but now he's just downright needy. We're thinking he needs a friend but it's still so soon. The house just won't be the same without Girly hiding under the table.

Good God today is soooo slow. Luckily we got some money in the mail... I guess it's too hot for people to be vacuuming and quite frankly, I don't blame them. Good thing Christine is providing me with some entertainment.

I'm really really tired of not having any money. None of us have any. It's bullshit. I need to spend a lot of it this week too. Christine's birthday Wednesday, 4th of July party next Wednesday, Florida on Saturday (meh...), concert tickets to buy. What the f.

I wanna go on a week-long vacation somewhere. Everybody is taking off for trips next month... sweet... long, lonely days at the store. That's fine... hopefully I'll be rolling in the commission.

I wanna move out. Decorate my own place. Own my own dog (mine are more my parents' so shhh). Oh if only I had the funds. Alright, I'm done complaining now.

Two of the most important people in my life are going through shit they don't deserve and I feel so bad cuz I can't do anything about it. Hopefully everyone can still go this weekend cuz being at the cabin usually helps when stuff is bothering me.

I freaking love this weather because 95% of the people that have come in today have been in fantastic moods. I had to tell a guy that his purchase was actually going to be $50 more than he had planned and his tone of voice didn't even change... I love that change that happens when people say something's fine and it clearly isn't but they're just gonna suck it up and deal.

I have so much to do tonight. I can't wait til tomorrow when I have everyone and their stuff in the car and we're on our way. I won't even care all that much if we get stuck in traffic... that's saying a lot. I loathe traffic.

So I've been a little bitchy lately... every now and then. There's really no excuse for taking your issues out on other people and I apologize. When things are nothing short of disappointing in one aspect of your life, sometimes you can't help it when it spills over into every other aspect too. Being upset about one thing tends to show itself when something completely different happens and whoever happens to be the unfortunate person that triggered it, ends up getting the brunt of it. Not really fair but sometimes the case. Those who know and love me, thankfully put up with it and I appreciate that to no end.

Donna went home early today. Therefore, I am by myself and bored. There's not a lot to do at the moment. I'm waiting for a bunch of people to call me back and any of the repairs to be done kinda need to be done by my parents. Blah.

Fun weekend. The pirate party was good even if Michele couldn't be there. We set up her measuring cup on the couch at the end of the night to commemorate where she would've been if she had come. Oh and my fucking ear still hurts from that earring. Wicked cool.

Kinda freaking out that rafting is only two weeks away. I can't wait though. I loooove when new people come up for that weekend. A little nervous about the clown situation... ahem... but we'll see how it goes.

Also, totally got a new car that day I went to look at them. It's a matrix, now known as the doMinATRIX. I adore it. It's cute. That is all.

Grrrr. You know what I hate about technology? In order to fully understand someone's meaning, you need to hear the tone in which they're speaking. You lose that entirely when you send emails, ims or text messages. I could be joking with you or I could actually mean that I want to rip you a new one. You don't know.

This becomes much worse for someone who has a tendency to be paranoid... I'm just saying in general... not talking about anyone in particular... certainly not me.

You know what's funny? (this is how I'm gonna start every new thought process). That you can physically feel panic. It's really kind of bizarre. A perfectly good day can easily be ruined by something that came in the mail maybe. You open the letter and you can actually feel a rush. I either get it radiating out from my chest or flowing down from the top of my head. I get hot. Way too hot. I'd imagine that to be my blood pressure making it's way through the roof. All of a sudden you realize that your breathing has become somewhat erratic. The good thing is though, you know what it's from and usually, because it happens in stages, you have time to do something about it before you explode on the nearest person.

You know what makes me happy? My dad and I are gonna go car shopping for me today. I'm certainly sad to know that if I trade the sexterra in, they're gonna pay off my loan and more than likely, they will give it a nice send off before they start taking parts off of it. The truth of the matter is that while it probably should still be in its prime, the sexterra has 110,000 miles on it. It uses too much gas and the payment is just too freaking much. I don't have very many bills but the ones I do have end up being late just so I make sure the car gets payed off first. I can't do it. So I am now in the market for something smaller, cheaper but just as hot. Preferably something with a name that I can twist into something sexual... I have to have standards.

Man I hope they play Blue Sunday after this song.

Could the weather suck like maybe a little bit more today? Well I suppose it could but I mean really, April! It makes me sad.

So I have no idea what's going on today... or the rest of this week even. I know what I'm doing Sunday and thats about it. Oh, well I guess thats a lie actually. Tomorrow is looking to be a fantastic time filled with oil changes, calling Tufts and asking them why I'm supposed to be paying $300 more for my surgery than they said I would, but being nice enough to them that I can make another appointment... The upside to Thursday is that I have it off and I'm getting my hair done.

I miss Michele. I haven't seen her in over a week. That's just ludicrous. I suppose it's my own fault for taking Saturday off...

On a random note, Starbucks white chocolate mocha with skim milk is quite possibly the best thing ever... except maybe Jelly Bellys.

I wish someone would either email me or text me so I wasn't so bored..... hinthint...

Today is one of those inexplicably shitty days. Nothing bad has happened... it's just me. I am at work for another hour and all I wanna do is go to bed. It's so weird. Everything is bothering me. Things that shouldn't mean anything totally do. I don't wanna talk to anyone. Things that should just cause some minor frustration make me wanna scream. It'll pass. I should be back to normal tomorrow.

I swear I'm not as crazy as I sound.